Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
