OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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