dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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