very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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