Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
