She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
