First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
