i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
