Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
