Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
