once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
