If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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