I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
