??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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