and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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