i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
