It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
