Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
