he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
