Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
