I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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