my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
