Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
