she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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