i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
