I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
