and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I want a musical about memes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
