im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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