My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
