i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
