It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
