I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
