Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
