I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
