Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
