looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
