No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
