I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
