Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
