do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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