Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
