I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
