eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
