It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
