When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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