Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone signed my nipple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
