i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
