my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
