There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
