Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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