So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
