i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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